Do I really need bridesmaids or a Maid of Honour? (And what’s the difference anyway?)
You have friends from school, varsity, work… your circle is full of fabulous people. Now you’re engaged (yaaay!) and suddenly everyone’s asking the question you’ve been dodging: So, who’s going to be in your bridal party?
Before you panic-text your group chat or start googling “bridesmaid politics”, let’s pause. Do you actually need bridesmaids? And what about a Maid of Honour? What’s the difference? And how do you even choose?
Let’s break it all down.
What is a Bridesmaid vs
a Maid of Honour?
Let’s start with the basics.
A bridesmaid is part of the bride’s inner circle – her cheer squad, moral support, dress-zipper-upper, and emotional first responder.
A Maid of Honour (or Matron, if she’s married) is the bride’s right-hand woman. Think of her as the CEO of Team Bride. She’s got her hands full, from the moment the “yes” happens to the moment the last glass of bubbly is sipped.
It’s less about hierarchy and more about function. Every bride is different, so roles can shift depending on what you need. An A-type bride might only need a calm presence on the day. A more go-with-the-flow bride might need someone to steer the ship months before she even has a Pinterest board.
Do I actually need a bridal party?
The short answer? No. There are no rules. You don’t need to have anyone standing beside you just because “that’s how it’s always done.”
But here’s when it can help:
- You love sharing big moments with your closest people.
- You need practical help (read: corralling family members, holding your veil, or sneaking you snacks).
- You want to honour lifelong friendships.
And here’s when you might skip it:
- Your friendship group is complicated.
- You’re planning a small or non-traditional wedding.
- You don’t want the added admin or expectations.
You don’t owe anyone a bridesmaid spot. And no, you’re not a bad person if your bridal party looks different than expected.
The emotional side:
who do you choose?
This is where it gets sticky. Childhood bestie? Uni roommate? Work wife? Sister? All of the above? Before you assign roles like Oprah giving out cars, consider this:
- Who shows up for you consistently?
- Who makes you feel safe and seen?
- Who won’t ghost you halfway through planning?
This isn’t about obligation. It’s about trust and connection. Remember: being part of a wedding is a commitment (and not just for the bride).
Also, you don’t have to choose based on who chose you. This is your season.
What if someone isn’t pulling their weight?
It happens. Life gets busy or maybe they said yes before realising what was involved. Before spiralling, have a calm chat. They may not even realise they’re letting the team down.
Try: “Hey, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and could really use your help with X. Is that something you’re able to do right now?” If not, adjust expectations or redistribute tasks. It’s better to have one reliable helper than three flaky ones.
Can you fire a bridesmaid
or Maid of Honour?
Yes — but tread carefully. If someone is causing stress, creating tension, or simply not showing up for you in the way you need, it’s okay to re-evaluate their role. Have a kind, honest conversation (in person if possible).
Focus on how you’re feeling rather than pointing fingers. You can say something like, “I know this season is a lot, and I want us both to enjoy it without pressure. I think it might be best to take a step back from the official role, but I’d still love for you to be there on the day.” Grace and kindness go a long way.
The pre-wedding roles:
who does what?
Bridesmaids
- Offer support when needed (not just moral – sometimes literal heavy lifting)
- Show up to fittings, showers, and hen parties
- Keep the bride calm and laughing
- Help wrangle family, guests, and logistics
Maid of Honour
- Helps with big-picture planning (think: timelines, spreadsheets, vendor lists)
- Manages the WhatsApp group no one wants to be in
- Plans the bridal shower and bachelorette (hello spreadsheets and sequins)
- Mediates family tensions or last-minute hiccups
Think of your MOH as the glue that keeps the chaos from unravelling. If she has event-planning genes? Even better.
The wedding day:
not just looking cute
Sure, they’ll look amazing in the photos. But here’s what your bridal party is really doing:
Bridesmaids
- Keep the energy light and positive
- Double-check bouquets are held correctly (front facing, just above the navel)
- Hold tissues, help with family photo lists, and back you up if a random aunt gets ideas
Maid of Honour
- Packs and manages the emergency kit (think: stain remover, mints, safety pins)
- Coordinates with suppliers and the venue (ideally not the bride’s job)
- Holds your bouquet at the altar (wipe the stems before pics!)
- Fixes your train and veil so you look immaculate in every photo
- Keeps snacks and hydration flowing
Need a full list of what your Maid of Honour should do? Download our checklist here.
Basically: Less sipping champagne, more schedule-slaying.
What if my best friend is a guy?
You can have a Man of Honour. Or a Bridesman. Or a flower dude. It’s your day. Don’t let traditional labels limit who stands beside you.
We’ve seen brothers walk brides down the aisle, childhood mates plan the bachelorette, and even dogs as honorary bridal party members (seriously, we have photo evidence).
What if I don’t want a
traditional bridal party?
You do you, friend. Here are some creative options we’ve seen (and loved):
- A “Team Bride” crew with no official dresses or duties, just your people rallying behind you.
- One VIP person (a sibling or BFF) who handles the essentials.
- Mixed gender party – because friendship knows no dress code.
- No bridal party at all. Just you and your partner with everyone cheering from their seats.
Either way, our wedding will still be beautiful.
Do I need to match dresses?
Not at all. If everyone has different body types, budgets or styles, let them choose within a colour palette. Mismatched dresses look great on camera and often make your squad feel more comfortable.
We’ve also seen jumpsuits, floral dresses, two-pieces and more. The point is to feel good and reflect the vibe of your day.
The money talk
(yep, we’re going there)
Being in a bridal party can cost money. Think outfits, travel, accommodation, and pre-wedding events.
Be clear about expectations upfront. Don’t assume your MOH will plan a weekend away or pay for hair and makeup. If budget is tight, consider:
- Letting them wear something they already own
- Offering to cover makeup or accessories
- Skipping big bridal showers or making them super relaxed
Bottom line: be honest, be kind, and don’t make it awkward.
Avoiding the drama
A few golden rules:
- Don’t pick out of guilt
- Don’t expect too much from already overwhelmed friends
- Communicate openly and early
- Keep friendships above formality
And if things get sticky? Take a breath, pick up the phone, and talk it out.
FAQs you didn’t know you had
Can I have two Maids of Honour?
Yes. Especially if you have two people who play different roles in your life. Split the duties or let them co-lead.
What if someone says no?
It happens. Life is busy. Try not to take it personally. Thank them for being honest and stay connected.
How early should I ask them?
Once you have a rough idea of your wedding timeline. The sooner you ask, the more time they have to help (and budget).
What if I change my mind?
Handle it gently. One-on-one conversations. Honesty + kindness is the combo.
In conclusion…
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to bridesmaids and Maids of Honour. You get to design a support system that fits your personality, needs, and the vibe of your day.
Whether you have a full squad in matching dresses or your sister holding your veil, what matters most is that you feel supported, calm, and like you.
Still undecided? Pour a glass of wine. Make a list of people who lift you up. Go from there.
You’ve got this.
Download our free Maid of Honour Wedding Day Checklist here.
